Self doubt and ???

Ahhhhhh the expensive hourly charge of trainers!

OK, ok, calm down Aphrikan- just because you're poor doesn't mean that you should take it out on the businessperson. After all you understand the business yourself...

Right now I'm really doubting me. I'm trying to focus on the positives:
-I am motivated
-I went biking twice this weekend
-Some of my friends believe in me (thank you!)
-I now own a helmet and bathing suit
- I can run effortlessly

I am doubting seriously right this second:
-I keep envisioning myself drowning in the Hudson
-I'm worried that I'll forget to register for the triathlon & that there won't be any slots left...
-I hate riding downhill
-I hate riding with traffic and I imagine crashing into all these crazy triathletes next year and having them run over my lovely helmet and my precious body
-The idea of being in a trisuit really disturbs me. I hear people spray cooking oil on the inside to lubricate it so that it slips off easily. Hell no. I refuse to put that sh*t on my body.
-I hate water and I hate how I feel after swimming.
-Oh...I can't really swim...I mean, I try, but I can't swim a mile yet...I CANT SWIM...
-I wish I wasn't so goal oriented and I wish I didn't want to do this. But it means a lot to me...

I intend to be honest with myself through blogging about my road to the tri. Honest even about my self doubts.